Back on Chemo (a lot of it)

My hair is already falling out after the first treatment.  I actually got sicker, quicker and for longer after the first round.  My will is really being challenged this time...  It is so much harder than the first treatments.  I really need some prayer and support this time.

Missing

I'm missing a dear friend of the family today. She died from complications due to cancer. She was my role model for fighting this disease. So, this is especially hard for me. You will be missed Aunt Carl Tufts.

The Final In-Patient Chemotherapy Session Jan 2-4 2013

WOW, A few weeks ago this time period seemed such a long way off. But now it is less than three weeks away. What, you might ask? Today marks the three weeks from my last in-patient chemotherapy session. Why is this such a big deal? Be cases it also marks the 1/3 of the way milestone through my ENTIRE chemotherapy sessions. I for one am overjoyed, by the milestone development. The drug that requires me to receive in-patient treatment will have run its course on Jan 2-4 2013. The drug cyclophosphamide will no longer be coursing through my veins, which means my kidneys and bladder will not be under continuous attack.

If feels so wonderful to know that God has been with me throughout this battle.  It feels even better to know that He has promised to be with be all the way through it. He even took It one step further and said that he is fighting this battle for me. And that is an all good, real God thing, because I couldn't even begin to fight this one on my own.

I have found out in this journey that when God gives you problems that you can't handle on your own. When the problem is even too big for your mother, father, brother, sister, uncles aunts, preachers, teachers, doctors, lawyers and friends, then that is when God wants you to turn the problem over to Him. He alone wants to work it out. He wants to get the Glory out of bringing you through and out of your circumstance. Once I let go and let GOD have this problem, I really stopped worrying about it. He freed me up to be able to other things like work on my M.Div. so I can really Honor Him the most. The same way that He has given me peace and clarity in this situation, He an will do the same for you. The question is, will you let HIM?

When God Gives You A Partner

You know it is very easy to become negative while going through treatment for Cancer.  I mean there is the pain, that never seems to be completely alleviated.  There are the side effects of the chemotherapy ranging from nausea and fatigue to upset stomachs and constipation.  But, for every negative thing I have found as many reasons to be thankful.   Of those things, the one thing that I can report that most thankful for is that I still have the love and support of my number one fan, and friend.

Not enough words can be said about how super supportive my wife has been and continues to be throughout this process.  I thank God each day that He Blessed me with one of the great ones.  While it isn't easy, my wife finds ways to keep me motivated and engaged in the healing process.  She continually finds the silver lining in the cascades of dark, ominous clouds.  Her forever optimism re-fuels and replenishes me.  Without her love and devotion, there is little doubt that I wouldn't be as fas along in the treatment process as I am.

I simply love my wife.  Kimberly you are my rock and I simply couldn't do this without your love and support.

I Am Healed!

I may have some scars, but I'm healed.

The Miracle of Pain Medicine!

Shortly after my latest blog, the pain medicine began to kick in.  Now here is the the kicker.  It immediately relieves the pain and I can start my day.  I can do the basics like take a shower, bodily functions etc.  I even feel somewhat normal.  But anyone that has been on a great deal of narcotics for a while can tell you that the pain relief comes with a cost.  CONSTIPATION!  Yeah Boy.  The pain is gone for a while, but you must pay the piper.  I think I now know more about natural and medicinal laxatives than I ever wanted to know.

But through it all, I keep focusing on the fact that God has allowed this to happen and that He has the final answer to what I am going through.  Even though I may be full of complaints one minute, I am forever grateful that He has seen fit to give me life and to allow me to have just one more day on the EARTH.   What a mighty God we serve!

Fatigue and Other Pains

Today I don't feel like doing anything.  I'm just tired.  It is kind of weird how this works  See, sometimes I am completely wide awake and then suddenly I get this tired feeling all over my body.   Once i get that feeling, I usually sleep for a few minutes.  My wife says it most resembles narcolepsy.  All I know is it is really annoying!  Yet, I try to remain pleasant, up beat and optimistic.  All the While I have to deal with this terrible PAIN that just won't go away.  Despite the high level of narcotics that I am on, the site from where the tumor was removed really freakin' hurts.  There are days when I am pain free.  Most of the time, however, I live with chronic, severe, back and chest pain.  Lord will there ever be any relief?

Purpose: To tell my story the best way that I can

   This Blog started out being about my return to physical fitness after a long absence.  I wanted to maybe just say a word or two that would motivate other people (family and friends) to get back into exercise.  As it turns out, this Blog would transform into something much bigger.  Rather than just be a source of inspiration for folk to return to physical health, this Blog has became much more.  It has become a place where I can relate to you the reader my experiences as I through treatment for one of the most devastating diseases known to man...Cancer! 

Warning, this blog is not for the feint at heart.  I will be very candid with what I am feeling (emotionally), how I physically feel and what I am actually thinking as I go through the treatment.  This Blog is a vast departure from what most folk whom have ever read any of my writings have ever experienced.  Usually, I cloak my true feelings in the shroud of my religious beliefs.  As a result, how I really "feel" gets muted by my religious convictions and beliefs.  However, if you read this blog, you will get the real raw, unabashed, emotion as it is generated.  If you can handle it, keep reading. If you can't handle please feel free to not read any of my publications.  It is important to note though, this is my Blog.  So, if there is anything in it that you find objectionable I invite you to keep it to yourself.  I am not seeking self improvement via this Blog.  Any suggestions for changing posts in this blog will be met with the utmost resistance.

Rhabodomyosarcoma?

What?  I have what?  It is malignant?  That means it is cancer.  I am going to die right?  I mean my dad died from having a sarcoma, so what will stop it from killing me?  Faith?  But I don't think I have any faith right now.  God what have I done in my life to deserve this?  I mean I have tried to live by your commands and lived a good life.  I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior.  So, then why am I now afflicted with one of the most rarest forms of cancer that affects adults.  This is a child's disease.  So why do I have it?  Is God punishing me for something?  Is He trying to get my attention?  Will he heal me?  Will he have mercy on me?  Will He really let this thing kill me or will he intervene just in the nick of time to save my life?  I feel so.......